Out Of Darkness, There Is Light
by AngelRays95
Summary: What if Matt didn't come back from the anomaly? How will the team cope with another team member lost? With Emily grief-stricken and the entire team in shock, it seems like nothing will ever be the same again... WARNING: Emily/Becker pairing  T for safety
1. Chapter 1

**This idea came to me after Matt had gone through the anomaly and Becker hugged Emily and kissed her forehead. It was such a sweet moment and it got me thinking about what would have happened if Matt hadn't returned. Anyway, I own nothing, and I'm sure there will be many Jecker fans who are glad I don't ;)**

(Set after 5x06)

Becker watched as Abby and Jess surrounded the grieving woman, currently half-collapsed on the steps leading down to the hub, feeling useless. He had never imagined what Matt was planning to do when he jumped into the truck – it was the most courageous thing he had ever seen, and it seemed even braver considering he couldn't reap the rewards of his actions.

'I'll make tea,' he heard Jess say quietly before disappearing off to the small kitchenette to boil water. Abby looked up to see the soldier eyeing them both with concern, and tried to smile. The entire team was in shock, and they both knew that the smiles would be short-lived once it finally sunk in.

'Becker, can you get Emily into Lester's office – he thought she might be more comfortable there?' Abby said, standing up and trying to take Emily with her. She wouldn't budge.

'Don't worry, I can manage. Go and find Connor – we need everyone together right now,' he suggested, and Abby nodded before hurrying off to the lab, knowing it would be the only other place her boyfriend would have gone.

Becker knelt apprehensively in front of Emily, tears streaming down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around her stomach. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, knowing exactly what it felt like to lose a colleague. But then again, he knew Matt had never been _just _a colleague to her, and he was sure that made things ten times worse.

'Why did he have to be so... _stupid_?' Emily asked through the tears, another breaking sob ripping from deep within her. It hurt _so _much.

The soldier tentatively moved forwards so that he was sitting next to her, and pulled her into a warm hug. She rested her head against his chest so that her curly hair tickled his chin, and let the tears flow freely as they quickly dampened his black top.

'The world's safe because of him,' Becker reminded her, knowing it was little consolation for her loss. If she had had to choose between losing Matt or the end of the world, she would have had to have asked what the difference was.

Becker carefully placed an arm around Emily's waist and slowly lifted her to her feet, feeling her shaking body beneath his tender touch. She could barely stand. As he led her back up the stairs, half-lifting her up the steps, he managed to get her to Lester's door before she finally broke down again. He pulled her tighter into him and then lifted her into his arms, knowing there was no way she could walk any longer. She was exhausted, grieving, and there was no one who knew those feelings better than Becker.

xxx

When Abby entered Lester's office a little while later, having left Connor with Jess, she was surprised to find Emily fast asleep lying across a dozing Becker. The young soldier had one arm draped across the back of the couch while the other was tucked underneath Emily's waist. She couldn't help smiling a little, considering how difficult Becker found it to express _any _sort of emotion which involved opening up. If things weren't so awful right now, she might have taken a picture!

As she sat down in the leather armchair opposite them, slender fingers wrapped around a steaming mug of comforting hot chocolate, Becker shifted slightly in his sleep and his eyelashes fluttered before opening. He registered the office, Abby, and finally the sleeping Emily lying across him. He sighed deeply.

'How long?' Abby asked simply as she took a sip of the sweet liquid.

Becker rubbed his eyes before answering. 'About two hours. She just couldn't stop crying, and when she finally did stop, she kept replaying every _single _moment. She's determined to make this as hard as possible on herself.'

They both looked down as Emily turned, groaning quietly, into Becker, her breath warming his side. He stroked the top of her head lightly, soothingly as he glanced at Abby's shocked face.

'What?'

She snapped out of her expression quickly and shrugged. 'I suppose I've never seen you so... _caring _before,' she replied, not sure whether that was too blunt for the current situation – she knew he tried his best, even if he sometimes couldn't quite express himself in the way he wanted to.

He smiled sadly. 'I know what she's going through,' he said, re-clipping a piece of hair which had fallen across her face.

Abby nodded. They all did, she thought, and felt worse for thinking that Matt was certainly not the first to be lost in their team. It seemed like death's shadow was looming larger than ever above the ARC, and she was so tired of seeing it clouding their lives day after day. She loved her job, she really did, but sometimes...

'Matt...' Emily suddenly mumbled, pulling at Becker's top as she moved in her sleep. He shushed her softly as he prised her fingers from the black fabric. She gave a small, vulnerable whimper, and Becker's heart broke a little to see someone usually so strong, so fierce now reduced to such despair and sorrow.

'There's no point her staying here – it's just going to remind her of... everything,' Abby said quietly, her voice faltering as she silently said his name. The familiar hurt which had penetrated them all at one time or another suddenly returned with full force, and she felt the painful prick of tears behind her eyes as she remembered Matt's face.

Becker nodded, moving slowly off the couch as he balanced Emily's head so she wouldn't wake.

'I doubt she's going to want to go back to their flat either. I think it's best if she stays with one of us tonight,' he suggested quietly as he carefully placed the sleeping woman back down onto the couch.

'Who, though? It's already cramped at Jess's, and I can't see Lester-'

'It's fine,' Becker interrupted. 'I have plenty of space at mine, and I think she might open up a bit with me around. I worked closely with Matt, and I think that might help her in some small way.'

Abby was more than a little surprised at his generosity – no one had ever, _ever _seen inside Becker's home, and yet here he was readily welcoming a near-stranger into it. Perhaps Matt disappearing had changed him more than she had ever thought possible.

'OK, if that's... I mean, you don't have to, Becker. I'm sure we could work something out-'

'Abby, stop worrying. It's perfectly all right. I'd like to, in fact.'

'Great. That's... that's great! Well, I'll go and get some stuff for her and I'll drop it off back at the ARC in say... half an hour?'

Becker nodded, already distracted as he took a blanket from the cupboard and draped it across Emily. Her face crumpled slightly in her sleep, obviously having a bad dream. _Or just remembering_, Becker thought sadly. He knew the pain loss could bring, and knew how long it took for the raw edges to fade. But perhaps he could finally help Emily in a way he never managed to help Nick or Stephen or Sarah. Perhaps now he could be of some use...

**Please, please review – I know there will be some who will be determined to hate this storyline, but give it a shot. You never know it might surprise you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the late update – I had severe case of writer's block which was slowly crippling me. Anyway, please review and I hope you enjoyed it!**

A bang and clatter resonated down the narrow hallway to the room in which Emily slept, making her wake with a start. As she took in her surroundings, hearing someone cursing somewhere in the distance, her heart leapt at the thought of seeing Matt. He could swear like a naval officer, and though she constantly pulled him up on it, if this was a sign that he had returned then she didn't care.

She jumped out of bed, still fully dressed in the same clothes she had been wearing yesterday, and raced towards the sounds generally coming from the kitchen area. As she rounded the corner, a smile lighting up her face, she stopped short at the sight of a rather dishevelled looking Becker, trying to make breakfast. Her face fell, realising her foolish mistake, and almost burst into tears. It wasn't him. _It wasn't him..._

'Oh... Emily, I was just-' he stopped, seeing her turn away quickly as he heard her behind him.

'I'll go get dressed,' Emily whispered, having forgotten that she already was, and stumbled back towards the bedroom. She couldn't see anyone right now, especially not this sweet soldier genuinely trying to help her. It was too much too soon.

'That's fine! Take as long as you need,' Becker called, watching her slip inside and push the door closed behind her. He sighed, knowing he had somehow done something wrong, and returned to hopelessly trying to scramble eggs for her.

xxx

When Emily emerged for the second time that morning, she almost tripped over Becker who was sitting outside her door.

'Sorry, sorry,' he said hurriedly, quickly standing and brushing down his usual black trousers. 'I brought you some food.' He gestured to the plate of slightly dry scrambled eggs and burnt toast.

'I'm not that hungry, Becker...'

'It's fine. I know, it looks awful. I really should learn to cook, but you can never really find the time in this job. I know that's not really an excuse-'

'Becker!' Had she meant to yell? At his shocked expression, now completely dumbfounded, she realised that she had perhaps been a little harsh.

'I'm sorry, but you were rambling,' she explained in a calmer tone, and strangely felt more... relieved, though that made no sense to her at all.

'Sorry. God, I just... I don't know what to say to you, Emily. I really don't.'

Emily knew exactly what he meant – she could see that everyone was walking on eggshells around her. She began to shake uncontrollably, her shoulders shuddering as she tried not to break down yet again. He was being so nice to her – they all were – but the truth was that none of them were coping.

He dropped the plate onto the side table with a bang before pulling her towards him, his strong arms wrapping around her fragile body easily. As she cried freely into his chest, gripping the back of his top as her tears soaked the grey fabric, he breathed in the scent of her hair and kissed the top of her head. He wanted to make everything better, and this was the only way he knew how.

He heard her mumble an apology and hugged her tighter. 'You don't need to be sorry for anything. None of this is your fault,' he whispered against her ear.

Emily pulled away slightly so she could wipe her tears, but he pulled her hand away and gently brushed away the droplets running down her cheeks with his thumb. The touch was so tender that she was almost surprised to know it was Becker, but the caress was soft and comforting, and Emily leant into his body as she felt exhaustion take hold once more.

xxx

A knock at the door made Becker jump, and he quickly went to answer before they had a chance to knock again – Emily was still fast asleep and he didn't want her woken.

'Oh, Connor. Hi-'

'Thought you'd need the company. I've brought pizza.'

The oblivious scientist waltzed into the room, looking inappropriately cheerful under the circumstances, and plopped down on the couch. He gave Becker a cheesy grin before grabbing the remote from the coffee table. Becker, with lightning speed, launched himself at Conner who was just about to hit the 'ON' button, and yanked it out of his hand.

'Hey-'

'Shut up, Conner,' Becker hissed, gesturing down the corridor to the spare bedroom. 'She's been up half the night crying – she needs her rest.'

The young scientist sighed heavily before putting his head in his hands – Becker knew Conner wasn't averse to showing his feelings, but he could also see how difficult it was for him to keep it together.

'I've been trying to keep Abby upbeat, but she just doesn't want to talk to me. Or anyone, really. Jess tried to talk to her and Abby ended up throwing a plate at the wall and storming out. I've never seen her like that before.'

Becker nodded silently. If anyone was going to react violently due to grief, it was most definitely going to be Abby.

'What about you? How are you holding up with Emily?'

The soldier sat down on the opposite seat and opened the pizza box – he hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. 'He was a good man and I'll miss him. I think I'm more shocked at how... unsurprised I am. I suppose we get used to death in this job.'

Conner couldn't bring himself to smile at that. Before his eyes he remembered all the people the had lost and felt sick at the thought. Almost the entire original team was gone, and now it looked as though history was going to repeat itself.

'I never had you down as nurse,' Conner said finally with a wry smile, and Becker threw a cushion at him. Becker would never admit it to anyone, but he was genuinely a caring man – he just didn't want to become too attached.

'She needed somewhere to stay and I knew I was the only one who could offer-'

'Funny, though. I mean, this is the first time I've been in your flat, and it's only because I managed to prise the address from Abby when she came back. And she only got it because you had to tell her. I just thought it was a bit strange you keeping it secret from everyone, and then just letting Emily in...'

'What are you getting at Conner?' Becker hadn't meant it to come out so sharp, but he was becoming increasingly worried about where this conversation was going.

Conner's eyes widened before replying. 'Nothing, nothing. I just thought it was a bit odd considering you've known us so much longer than her.'

'Emily is still our friend, and she's just lost the love of her life. What would you have preferred me to do – chuck her out onto the street?'

'Calm down, Action Man. I was only saying-'

'Well don't. And don't _ever _call me Action Man again.'

Becker realised he'd gone too far, but couldn't find the words to apologise. If he was honest with himself, he knew exactly why he was being like this. Matt's death had affected him more than he wanted to admit, and having Emily in his flat was a constant reminder of what they had all lost.

'I should probably... get back to Abby. And Jess. She was asking for you, by the way.'

Becker sighed. He knew the bubbly field-coordinator liked him, and there had been times where he had wondered whether he felt the same, but all their lives had been turned upside down and he just couldn't imagine being so close to anyone. Not any more.

'Tell her I'm fine, Conner. And thanks... for everything.'

Conner nodded, still looking like the wounded puppy, and left. It was only once the door clicked shut that Becker finally felt at ease. He didn't want to talk, and he didn't want to listen to anyone. He just wanted to think quietly.

'Hey.' His head snapped to the left as he heard Emily's quiet whisper come from the doorway. She had his dressing-gown wrapped around her and she looked so small and vulnerable as she stood barefoot next to the door.

'How are you feeling?' he asked, standing up as any gentleman would when a lady entered the room.

She smiled gratefully and came to sit next to him. 'I don't want to talk about it, if that's all right,' she replied, and he almost laughed. It seemed she was feeling just as uncommunicative as he was.

As he tentatively put an arm around her shoulders, he felt her relax into the warmth of his body and could almost sense her relief. She needed someone to hold her, and he was quite happy to comply. He had never truly realised he was lonely, but now that Emily was sharing the flat with him, he finally understood why so many people loved the company of someone dear to them, and he felt almost content to be sitting next to her in the golden light of the afternoon.


End file.
